Abyss.

Do you know what it is?
To be there? To see that unending darkness?
To feel that fall?
To go somewhere and not see the way back?

When your heart beats and that's all you can hear?
See nothing, feel nothing, know nothing?
The Beating. Only the beating.

The horrifying depth.
To go so deep into something, that you can never come back?
To lie there. Just lie. Not exist.
No memory. No life.
The Beating. Only the beating.

To know the way out but not wanting it.
To know life but wanting submission.
To know what can be done but doing nothing.
No moving, no thinking, no being.
The Beating. only the Beating.

To go downward a bottomless dark pit.
To float in the never-ending.
To know, but only knowing Solitude.
To see, but only seeing the Black.
To hear, but hear only The Beating. The Beating.

Agony. Suffocation. A never ending trip downwards.

Do you know what it is?
To enter the Abyss, to never leave?

LOOKING BACK.

All of us at some point or the other look back and contemplate about the things we've done,
the decisions we have taken, the opportunities we've missed and the words we should/shouldn't have said. All of us want to change those few words we said that really did matter.

Pain. Temporary comfort. False assurances.

Could have been avoided.

We all want to go back in time and change that one left to right, that yes to a no, that one
silence into words.

Do you remember any such decisions you took that changed the course of your life? How much
thought do you give that now?
Does it change anything?

We all have that one person we wish we did not meet, that one person we wanted more than anything, that one thing we tried so hard for yet failed.
Looking back on these things, what do you feel now? Regret? Defeat?
Does it change anything?

When we're sad, we look back to a time when we were happy. Is this relationship the right thing?
Was I better off then? How much do you try to find your past in your present? Have you found it?
Did it change anything?

There is usually a lot of Regret. I should have done this, shouldn't have done that. I lost some
time there, some money here. How often do we look back on things that made us happy?

Something you did for someone.

That one smile that took your breath away.

That promise you kept.

The tiny dream you fulfilled.

That one walk. That one touch.

That one fragrance.

If you're sad, don't sulk and think how happy you were back then. Think of things that make you
happy. Think of Change.

Sooner or later, it sure will come to you.

If you look back, let it help you move forward.

Let it make you smile.

Let it be meaningful.

Let it help you.

Let it.

The Bhopal Gas Tragedy – A difficult time in simple words.

The Bhopal Gas Tragedy was a betrayal by the entire system. It stays so even today.

A certain pesticide plant was set up by Union Carbide in the outskirts of Bhopal. The chemical involved in processing this pesticide was methyl isocyanate. This is a highly dangerous chemical and has various effects ranging from cough to death. We also know it as what terrorists use for immediate death in fear of arrest. In movies, we see them having something from a small bullet shaped steel container in the neck. This is it.

Around midnight on December 2–3, 1984, there was a leak of methyl isocyanate (MIC) gas and other substances from the plant, resulting in the exposure of several thousands of people.

In 1982, a safety audit inspection done by a group of people from the US proved that the plant could be a reason for 61 major hazards. These were fixed in the US plant but not the Indian one. Six months prior to the incident the safety engineer, an Indian who was part of setting up the plant resigned saying that if the plant functioned in the same manner it could lead to a “major disaster”. These statements are on record.

On the night of the disaster, all the 6 safety units were found to be not functioning and out of order. It was later discovered that this was a result of cost-cutting policies. Not only this, but the chemical was to be kept in its liquid form. This too, was not done for the same reason and the refrigeration unit was shut. If this was taken care of, there would never have been a leak. These cost-cutting policies were adopted when the company failed to show profits. The leak was not noticed for a very long time as the siren too was not working. After the realization dawned, again nothing could be done as the safety units were out of order.

A lady narrates what happened to her:- “ My father in law was vomiting blood and was losing consciousness. We tried to wait but couldn’t. Everyone was running for their life. We left my father-in-law to fate and ran. We became part of a stampede. For days there were people lying around. They couldn’t move a bit. They pissed and crapped in the same clothes for days. With every passing moment, we wished for death.”

Soon after it was known what happened, doctors rushed to rescue. They did not know what exactly the gas was. Usually, the instructions are given by the company as to what is to be done in the case of leaks etc. When the company was called, it said, “It’s just clear gas, throw water on the eyes and it shall work.” There were no more instructions.

Doctors who knew what exactly had happened started treating the patients as soon as they could. Dr. Anant Phadke and Dr. Mrs. Gopal were two doctors from Pune who were present. These doctors were arrested and all their experiments on patients shut. The doctors had to file a petition with the Supreme Court. Then they were “allowed” to give injections. By then however, many thousand had died. Irony.

The Company was declared absconding within days and all the Company did for Indians is left behind 10,000 tonnes of toxic waste. This waste, after 26years is still where it was then. Not an inch has been cleared. After rains, this toxic waste has seeped into ground water over the years. This water is being consumed since then by all people of Bhopal.
This has infected the mother’s milk and the third generation is born with defects. The tragedy haunts us till date. Tests done in 1989 proved that the Ground water was indeed polluted. After 21 years, nothing has been done. Nothing.

2 marches have taken place from Bhopal to Delhi requesting the Government to provide pipe-water. The march is a distance of 800 kms. The PM refused to meet the people. The people in turn went on a hunger strike. There was still complete ignorance from the PM and our Government. When the hunger strike went further where the people even gave up water did the PM say they would get the pipe water. There has been written assurance. But, they did not. Then there was a second march. Here the people were beaten and put behind bars. Still, today, there is no pipe water.

The Government elected a committee of senior ministers to look into the mater. They said they would clear the toxic matter and provide extra compensation (1). This compensation will be paid by us citizens, not the Company. The compensation was given to some but the toxic waste remains. Some NGO’s and locals took the matter into their hands and started clearing the waste. A number of foreigners helped in this and there have been video recordings where the local police dragged women and literally threw men aside when this was happening.

About 1 lakh people have been crippled forever. No one went on records as entire families were wiped out. Nobody knows how many deaths took place. But yes, we do know that 8,000 corpses were sold in the first 3 days. This is from where we get our estimated figure.

Today we have a hospital taking care of these people. And guess what? It’s not a Government hospital. It is a hospital run completely on funds from people like us.

In the US, it took them 20 Billion dollars and 37 years to clean a 3 mile island of toxic waste. After this, there hasn’t been any nuclear power plant in the country. But today we are planning on passing a bill called as the “Nuclear Liability Bill” where in US can open up plants in India and in case of accident we clear them of all liabilities. They will not be liable to the infrastructure brought by them. It doesn’t stop here. The maximum compensation here is settled at 460 million dollars even less than that of Bhopal. Why?

UC is now a subsidiary of Dow. The Indian Government had almost given permission to this company to set up a plant in Pune. Why? (2)

Warren Anderson who personified all this evil is declared absconding. A NGO from US found him in US living a life of luxury. Our Government has declared a Company absconding which is doing business all over the world. Why?

Robert Kennedy, Former CEO of UC said, “There is no relation between what happened in India and Warren. Whatever happened to Warren was not because what happened in India, it was because who he was.”

Today the Government has not been successful of hiding the facts because of lawyers like Upendra Baxi who has been a legal advisor to the victims since then and has fought their cases free of cost. Senior judges were a part of this struggle too.

(1) The Government then claimed that the Company owes them a complete 3.3 Billion dollars as compensation. Later, however the Government accepted only 470 million dollars as the compensation, which is 2,500 per Indian approx. “This is enough for an Indian” is what was said by the Company. People affected in the US were paid more than double of this amount. The Government closed the agreement and dissolved the Company of all civic and economic liabilities. No rehabilitation was given.

(2) The Dow Chemical Company is an American Multinational Corporation and the second largest producer of chemicals in the world. It is setting up a Research and Development Centre at Shinde Vasuli village, near Chakan in Pune district, 30kms away from Pune city. Dow is setting up this research centre on 100 acres of gairan (grazing land) of the village. It claims that this has been given to it by the MDC. However, the village panchayat was never consulted about this land transfer. In the Government revenue records, as of 10th January 2008, it’s ownership was still with the village panchayat!

The new research centre is part of Dow’s global strategy to shift its hazardous R&D activities to third world countries like India, where there are hardly any laws to protect the environment. The few environmental protection laws that are in place are hardly ever implemented. According to a news item in The Economic Times on 1st November 2007, Dow decided to open this centre near Pune following opposition it had to face in the USA and Europe where the regulations on toxic chemicals are very strict.

Permanence - Change!

They say that if there is anything that is permanent, it is change.
Everybody and everything changes at one point or the other.
The ever-so-hot guy seems not-so-hot anymore.
All this while he was straight, now he’s gay.
I loved mangoes, now I don’t. They make me FAT. Period.
He was an intelligent student throughout school but he was always remembered as the dumb boyfriend.
Stories of vampires were told to scare children, now we fall in love with them.
You were single, then committed and then you were dumped.
I loved children. Not after I had mine.
Everything was always about love for me. Now I talk only digits.
I always loved bikes to cars until my dad bought the Merc.
He loved every colour on you. Now he doesn’t like anything on you.
I hated milk when I was a kid. My children have a glass full everyday whether they like it or not.
He said beauty wasn’t skin deep. He was perhaps looking for a <3 shaped heart. He’s still looking.
I loved that song. Who the fuck played that song?! It fucking reminds me of that loser.
I loved that feeling of “first-love” and then that of “being in love” and now its “self-love”.


Change is good, provided it happens for The GOOD.

The End or The Beginning, what matters more??

Me and Mrunal were having a cup of coffee day before evening and it was the first time in years that we were actually talking. The last time we spoke like “girl-friends” do must be some 16-17 years back, if I’m not wrong. We were just talking about random stuff when we started talking about relationships. To be more precise, “the end” of such relations.

This can have various effects depending on the kind of person you are. But what you must remember is that what has ended has ended. There is nothing you or anybody else can do about it. There are a few things you should be sure and aware of. Some of them being that you were truthful. That you spoke and believed in truth…not yours, not his/hers.. but just plain simple truth. You did not intentionally hurt anyone. You did not give reasons (whatsoever they may be) and you spoke whatever you should have and not what you wanted to.

Every relation is special to us in some way or the other. But if it ends, so what?? The end of something is the beginning of something new. And that something new is what you can decide. Be sure of what you want and what you are. Know your worth. You cannot cheat yourself. You know what you deserve, wait for it. Don’t let haste compel you to wrong decisions.

Erase things, people and memories you don’t want. If you want to, you can.

Believe in yourself.

Life @ Speed Zero.

Another second, another hour….another day!

Nothing changes.

You have to live the same day, everyday!

No challenges! No adventures!

No additions and no subtractions.

Everything has lost its charm….no beauty left in anything..anymore!

A dull lull prevails.

There is a rebel deep down waiting to surface.

To fight against this meaningless existence.

Time exists, at its snail speed. More suffocation. More frustration.

Just one word to hold on to --- Patience!

A restless time.

I don't know why but I'm going through an extremely talkative phase right now. Not that my phases last long, but anyway.

So many questions are demanding answers right now. Most of them I'm sure I don't wanna hear at all. A desperate need to entangle all the thoughts. So much to say, so little it's worth.

There are these times in life when you've tried the best you can and eventually given up. There comes a time when suddenly you realise you could have stuck there and made a difference. I don't know whether I should, I could have or I still can but thats all that comes to my mind off late.

It's past 3am now and I'm still stuck on these thoughts. They won't leave me. I'm not getting anywhere with so much thinking I know. I'l be damned either ways. Even if I give a chance, even if I don't. It's best to move on from people and the drama they sometimes carry. If nothing else, you can atleast live without a blockage of not so neccessary thoughts.

I hate it when your mind takes you to places you don't wanna go.

God blessed me!

Day 1 – 13th April 2007, Friday.

I DON’T WANA GO..I DON’T WANA GO.. was all I kept shouting to myself throughout the two-hour journey from Thane to Bandra terminus. My dad had planned a 10-day trip with family + unknown people. No friends. What’s the need?! I was already biting my nails having to get to know people which I’ve always thought of as a very bad idea. We reached the station and the train was already waiting for us. It looked liked a monster, taking me to some place horrible. Most of my time today was spent taking part in boring discussions about Indian Railways with the uncles and Marriages with the Aunty’s. I slept early. I wanted to wake up by 4am since we’d be entering Rajasthan then. The sun on the desert was not something you get to see everyday and it was my first time.

Day 2 – 14th April 2007, Saturday.

I missed the sight I’d so wanted to see. Noone woke me up. It had just started getting worse. All the kids were in my compartment when I came back from brushing my teeth waiting for me to play Antakshari with them. I didn’t get a silent minute till we reached Chandigarh in the evening. I was so exhausted, I don’t remember anything else apart from falling asleep thinking about the really tall hotel room ceilings and the huge beds which were made for a minimum of 12 people. I’d been falling asleep and waking up every 2-3 minutes in the train.


Day 3 – 15th April 2007, Sunday.

I really didn’t like Chandigarh much. It was hot, very hot…Boiling hot..!! We saw the Rose garden, Rock garden and the Mughal Garden. Unfortunately, I din’t like any of those places. Maybe it was just so hot that I couldn’t really enjoy all those places. But then, as the sun set, we went to see Sukhana Lake ( I’m not sure about the spelling). It was suddenly cold and there were suddenly a lot of good looking guys. We were to leave for Shimla next morning, so we couldn’t hang out anymore.

Day 4 – 16th April 2007, Monday.

The next morning we left for Shimla. The journey was initially really boring. After a couple of hours, it was getting so much better that I couldn’t even sleep after being in the bus for so long. We reached around 9pm and the view from room took my breath away. The entire city was lit below me like tiny stars and the ones in the sky made me think as though I was in between the stars. Just that with no lights in the room. I couldn’t sleep for a very long time.

Day 5 – 17th April 2007, Tuesday.

Naldehra golf club is one place I want every Indian to see. When you reach the topmost part you get a view which makes you feel as though you’re standing among the landscapes of Ireland. We visited Kufri after that which happens to be the topmost point in Shimla. After the sightseeing it was SHOPPING TIME!! We started at 1pm and when I next saw my watch it was 6pm! We shopped all through Lower and Upper Mall and also saw the Ridge. The oldest church in India is located there. I was waiting to go to my room again.


Day 6 – 18th April 2007, Wednesday.

We started with our 15 hour bus journey from Shimla to Manali the next morning. We had the Beas accompanying us throughout the journey, 99% of which comprised of Ghats. I was a bit curious about the river and its history so I asked our guide for some more information. He doesn’t like being awaken for this I’m sure because all he said was that the river has changed its course 13 times and every time it destroys 60km of land. I’m glad he stopped there. It was so dark when we reached, I couldn’t see a thing. I wished we were still in Shimla.


Day 7 – 19th April 2007, Thursday.

The next morning I woke up at 5am-something to some voices outside my room. I opened the curtains and what I saw made me stand there in shock for don’t know how long. Straight from my window high up were the Himalayas. The snow was yellow in the sunlight. And everything else below was still dark, even my hotel. That particular picture, that moment was magic. I had stood there for a complete half an hour without realizing it. I still can’t explain the emotions I went through then. It felt like god had blessed me with this beauty I could see today.

Rest of the day was spent visiting Tibetan monasteries, temples and the Manali shopping market which is something similar to Linking Road in Bombay. I still couldn’t get that picture out from my head.

Day 8 – 20th April 2007, Friday.

I unfortunately woke up late and missed watching the Himalayas.
Today, we spent a lot of time at Rohtang pass. Rohtang pass is the military border in that part of the Himalayas. We weren’t lucky to see it up close since it was snow-clad but we could see it from a 250m below level. The area there was turned into a mini Esselworld. All sorts of snow-rides and snow bikes filled the place. I tried my hand at skiing and was horrible at it. We were dead when we returned to our hotel.

Day 9 – 21st April 2007, Saturday.

Today they were showing us the Hot Water Springs. My body was hurting so bad from yesterday that I couldn’t do another small journey. It was some 4 hours car journey. Somehow, I just wanted to keep looking outside my window. I was there, by myself, till the evening. My mom wasn’t happy about me staying back but she was so tired she couldn’t complain more. We had to leave for the party tonight. It was our last day together.

Day 10 – 22nd April 2007, Sunday.

We left for Chandigarh early morning. It was a tiring journey since we’d hardly had time to sleep and pack! We played Antakshari to pass our time since we had nothing else to do. We reached our hotel and slept, woke up, had dinner and slept again. We left for Delhi then early morning again by car this time. The traffic was horrible. I somehow think Mumbai has competition now. We reached the airport just in time for the check in. In the flight we got time to think for sometime on the last 10days. All that I remembered was that picture of those heavenly mountains. We reached Mumbai in the afternoon. My dad didn’t even wait for lunch. We started our drive down to Pune.

In less than 24hours, I had traveled more than half the country. I can’t wait to go back and live those two days. One among the stars and one at the mercy of those Gods!

A Page from my Diary.

Dec, 20. 2009.

So much has changed since I last Wrote. Well, for one thing, the priority changed again.. Nothing seems to overcome my questionable attention span. Nevertheless.

The day started with a lot of cooking and baby-sitting since Siddharth had stayed over and mom is still in Goa. It continued to be more or less the same till late afternoon.

Met Tushar sometime later and we somehow managed to not aimlessly drive around. Nothing in Crossword made me happy.. (Surprissing!) Lol. After Mr. Busy left I met Mukta, and then it was the usual – SHOPPING, RUTUJA, BARISTA, JJ & it’s stray dogs which somehow materialize only with my seldom visits. But the walk still holds its charisma.

An addition to the list – Planning. How could we do without it?! Cheers to the wonderful similar hopeful thoughts.

Then I was back home to surprisingly no more cooking since my loving neighbour had prepared dinner for me and dad. LOVE THY NEIGHBOUR! Lol.

& yes, to end it on some note.. Someone told me he hates Shakespeare because he didn’t know English. =p Bless your soul Mr. William.

Secret Laughter.

I learnt not to walk behind but to walk away,

Learning that reality does teach you the harder way.

I learnt not to stay but to move on,

To now draw my world with a better crayon.

I learnt not to make forgiveness my habit,

For those who don’t value consideration a bit.

I learnt not to give up everything but to hold on to a few,

For in my life, I have the ability to sew.

I learnt to laugh when you cry, hating it with every try.

I learnt difficultly to turn back, something you thought I always lacked.

I learnt to smile in your pain, something that solely you have gained.

I also learnt that mirth has some value.

I learnt all my lessons and I learnt my best,

To the lesson of quiet laughter, I shall now leave the rest.

For Quack..

Rain.

The rain falls, knowing not on whom. It falls equally, surrenders unconditionally. It bestows farms, crops, rivers, lakes. It bestows life. It blesses us with the rainbow and the colors of a new life. It stays, to fulfill.

I see the raindrops on my window. I put my hand out and feel them. It reminds me of all the happy moments of us together. The days spent endlessly on the roads, the rain accompanying our every memory. The smile stays, content.

The old eyes look at his dying land, he looks at the sky. The clouds tell him it will rain. The clouds cannot lie to him. He waits for until the dying sun. He feels the arrival on his forehead. He closes his eyes, and takes the name of God. His land shall live.

The children run. The waterfalls, streams and the smell of mud excite them. They play like there is no tomorrow. They get wet, splash mud and jump around. It’s the best way they like to see Mother Nature. They hope they can play till eternity.

The children tire and fall asleep, content with all the happy hours of joy. Suddenly, it thunders. It rains like never before. The shower of destruction. It continues to shatter and destroy. The houses disappear so do the smiles. Life ends.

Then humanity remembers, the one with the power of birth is also blessed with the power to kill, to end.

Voting - A moral right or duty?

India as it is and as many have forgotten, according to its constitution, is a "sovereign socialist secular democratic republic." We are the most populous democracy in the world and our reforms since 1991 have transformed our country into one of the fastest growing economies around the world. Today, we stand as the 7^th largest economy in the market and fourth best at our purchasing power. Our economic stand is thus not very but satisfactorily powerful.

Politics in our nation however has always been criticized, negatively talked about and surely “underestimated”. With such a powerful economic condition, we surely do have and have had leaders of great talent. I say talent because that only can rule or should I say control a country as diverse and vast as India.

The youth however is not only ignorant of these facts but also of their duties as citizens of this great nation. What is the harm in taking part in choosing your own leaders? I mean.. I really don’t see a negative side to this thought! The voting day in our country is most often celebrated and not worked at/upon.

I am not criticizing the youth but I am asking them a simple question as to why not vote? I’m sure it’s not because you aren’t getting paid for it. Give it a second thought, you are! In more than just one way.

Rajeev Gandhi saw to it that Indian citizens can vote as soon as they turn 18. Why? Because he saw that a young mind can work in more ways than one. We can dream bigger and turn most of the dreams in reality. Most important we have a direction, the most important ingredient of success.

Four of the largest religions were born in this mystic land. A thing that we should flaunt however has given rise to nothing more than religious conflicts. Politics is not only “played” in the name of religion, it is also based there at times. It is for us, for you to decide.

Know your leaders and their achievements well. Study their past and what they can do in the future and then take a step to make them the present of this country. Voting is not only your moral right it is also your duty and responsibility. Register yourself today if you think you’re going to be busy tomorrow. Make yourself a citizen of this country in the true sense.

Go Vote!