The heart knows not...

The heart knows not what it desires,
Until it is enchanted by that desire..
It knows not, its strength,
Until it meets failure..
It knows not, its spite,
Until another one of its kind, has it shared.
It knows not, the lows,
Until the highs were, from where it fell..

It knows not, the smell of the first rain,
Until it had someone to share..
It knows not, the joy of waiting,
Until it had somewhere joyous to reach..
It knows not, the passion it holds,
Until it meets someone who fires it..
It knows not, the beauty of this world,
Until it sees it reflect from a soul that belongs to him..

And so,
The heart knows not what it desires,
Until...

Abyss.

Do you know what it is?
To be there? To see that unending darkness?
To feel that fall?
To go somewhere and not see the way back?

When your heart beats and that's all you can hear?
See nothing, feel nothing, know nothing?
The Beating. Only the beating.

The horrifying depth.
To go so deep into something, that you can never come back?
To lie there. Just lie. Not exist.
No memory. No life.
The Beating. Only the beating.

To know the way out but not wanting it.
To know life but wanting submission.
To know what can be done but doing nothing.
No moving, no thinking, no being.
The Beating. only the Beating.

To go downward a bottomless dark pit.
To float in the never-ending.
To know, but only knowing Solitude.
To see, but only seeing the Black.
To hear, but hear only The Beating. The Beating.

Agony. Suffocation. A never ending trip downwards.

Do you know what it is?
To enter the Abyss, to never leave?

LOOKING BACK.

All of us at some point or the other look back and contemplate about the things we've done,
the decisions we have taken, the opportunities we've missed and the words we should/shouldn't have said. All of us want to change those few words we said that really did matter.

Pain. Temporary comfort. False assurances.

Could have been avoided.

We all want to go back in time and change that one left to right, that yes to a no, that one
silence into words.

Do you remember any such decisions you took that changed the course of your life? How much
thought do you give that now?
Does it change anything?

We all have that one person we wish we did not meet, that one person we wanted more than anything, that one thing we tried so hard for yet failed.
Looking back on these things, what do you feel now? Regret? Defeat?
Does it change anything?

When we're sad, we look back to a time when we were happy. Is this relationship the right thing?
Was I better off then? How much do you try to find your past in your present? Have you found it?
Did it change anything?

There is usually a lot of Regret. I should have done this, shouldn't have done that. I lost some
time there, some money here. How often do we look back on things that made us happy?

Something you did for someone.

That one smile that took your breath away.

That promise you kept.

The tiny dream you fulfilled.

That one walk. That one touch.

That one fragrance.

If you're sad, don't sulk and think how happy you were back then. Think of things that make you
happy. Think of Change.

Sooner or later, it sure will come to you.

If you look back, let it help you move forward.

Let it make you smile.

Let it be meaningful.

Let it help you.

Let it.

Permanence - Change!

They say that if there is anything that is permanent, it is change.
Everybody and everything changes at one point or the other.
The ever-so-hot guy seems not-so-hot anymore.
All this while he was straight, now he’s gay.
I loved mangoes, now I don’t. They make me FAT. Period.
He was an intelligent student throughout school but he was always remembered as the dumb boyfriend.
Stories of vampires were told to scare children, now we fall in love with them.
You were single, then committed and then you were dumped.
I loved children. Not after I had mine.
Everything was always about love for me. Now I talk only digits.
I always loved bikes to cars until my dad bought the Merc.
He loved every colour on you. Now he doesn’t like anything on you.
I hated milk when I was a kid. My children have a glass full everyday whether they like it or not.
He said beauty wasn’t skin deep. He was perhaps looking for a <3 shaped heart. He’s still looking.
I loved that song. Who the fuck played that song?! It fucking reminds me of that loser.
I loved that feeling of “first-love” and then that of “being in love” and now its “self-love”.


Change is good, provided it happens for The GOOD.

The End or The Beginning, what matters more??

Me and Mrunal were having a cup of coffee day before evening and it was the first time in years that we were actually talking. The last time we spoke like “girl-friends” do must be some 16-17 years back, if I’m not wrong. We were just talking about random stuff when we started talking about relationships. To be more precise, “the end” of such relations.

This can have various effects depending on the kind of person you are. But what you must remember is that what has ended has ended. There is nothing you or anybody else can do about it. There are a few things you should be sure and aware of. Some of them being that you were truthful. That you spoke and believed in truth…not yours, not his/hers.. but just plain simple truth. You did not intentionally hurt anyone. You did not give reasons (whatsoever they may be) and you spoke whatever you should have and not what you wanted to.

Every relation is special to us in some way or the other. But if it ends, so what?? The end of something is the beginning of something new. And that something new is what you can decide. Be sure of what you want and what you are. Know your worth. You cannot cheat yourself. You know what you deserve, wait for it. Don’t let haste compel you to wrong decisions.

Erase things, people and memories you don’t want. If you want to, you can.

Believe in yourself.

Life @ Speed Zero.

Another second, another hour….another day!

Nothing changes.

You have to live the same day, everyday!

No challenges! No adventures!

No additions and no subtractions.

Everything has lost its charm….no beauty left in anything..anymore!

A dull lull prevails.

There is a rebel deep down waiting to surface.

To fight against this meaningless existence.

Time exists, at its snail speed. More suffocation. More frustration.

Just one word to hold on to --- Patience!

Secret Laughter.

I learnt not to walk behind but to walk away,

Learning that reality does teach you the harder way.

I learnt not to stay but to move on,

To now draw my world with a better crayon.

I learnt not to make forgiveness my habit,

For those who don’t value consideration a bit.

I learnt not to give up everything but to hold on to a few,

For in my life, I have the ability to sew.

I learnt to laugh when you cry, hating it with every try.

I learnt difficultly to turn back, something you thought I always lacked.

I learnt to smile in your pain, something that solely you have gained.

I also learnt that mirth has some value.

I learnt all my lessons and I learnt my best,

To the lesson of quiet laughter, I shall now leave the rest.

For Quack..